Financially Stupid And Able To Start Immediately

I've never been a financial genius, usually I just buy stuff that I want and go hungry later. Not recently of course since my wife is always giving me dirty looks when I look at new video games or lately that new Nerf gun that just came out. It's awesome; it is basically a toy crew-served gun. There is a removable tripod, carry handle for firing it while on the move, ammo box, and my favorite part is that it is belt fed. A belt of 25 containers that hold one of their darts that is then fed through the gun either by single shot or battery powered motor. Where the heck were these toys when we were kids? That would have made all those shooting games running around the neighborhood more fun of course it also would have cost a small fortune in new darts after we kept losing what we had.

Anyways back to financial stuff that I know nothing about. I have never had a credit card and now I have been turned down for every single one of those offers that come in the mail. Why, I don't know but it usually said something about "Your credit score sucks worse than a broken drain pump" or something to that effect. I don't have any clue as to how my credit score got so bad or even when I actually got a credit score to screw up. We ran into a lot of that credit score discrimination when we were looking for a new apartment here in West Palm Beach. So many companies turned us down or wanted us to pay two and three months' rent up front as well as the first month and deposits. One place which we had a huge problem with and we have sent letters dripping with hatred to their home office simply said "No" and hung up the phone. When we called back we were told that the best they could offer us was if we paid for an ENTIRE YEAR'S worth of rent up front. If we had that much money we wouldn't be renting would we? Hell no we'd be buying a damn house. Of course the main point that they based these requirements on was that both of us have horrible credit score ratings. No matter that we had paid the rent at our previous apartment on time every time for over 2 years. No matter that the property manager of our previous apartment had a glowing recommendation ready to give to anyone who called to ask about us. In fact none of the apartment companies that we looked at and spoke with that first trip down here called about a referral. Just credit rating check then required more money to live there.

I will honestly say that I have no idea what so ever what people these days are talking about on the news when it comes to interest rates, buyouts, stock offerings and stuff like that. I am financially stupid which is why I think I would be a perfect choice to run a bank or brokerage firm (whatever a brokerage firm is). You don't think so? Well let me tell you sonny, I know that I can expertly sit in a board meeting while gaming on a laptop or hand held gaming device. I know that I can go flying around the world spending company money on booze and souvenirs. In fact I know without a doubt that I can happily take a huge bonus for good work all while doing absolutely nothing and not feel bad about it.

So if you have a bank that you want to fly through the Wall Street world with the abilities of a rock then I'm the guy to do it for you. If you want someone to take your hard earned money and spend it on online games, expensive food, international trips, and solid silver toilets then let me know and I'll be there in no time. Why solid silver do you ask? Because silver tarnishes and I want to do what I can to keep jobs here in America; and by getting solid silver toilets then it will mean plenty of work for people who know how to clean. I'm sure there are plenty of executives at AIG who know just how to manipulate crap and make it shine. Time for some bacon.